unable to obtain nonsense inside the state of.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to obtain any valueless material whilst staying inside the great state of. No junk to be found here, sadly.
Unfortunately, I can't possess any feces within Ohio. No junk to be found in this region, unfortunately. No rubbish to have within OH.
Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to have a single crap while staying inside the Buckeye State. There is no crap available around here, regrettably. I am lacking a single matter in OH.
Alas, it is beyond my control to have even a tiny bit of nonsense while residing in Ohio. No waste available in this area, sadly. I am unable to possess a single substance inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, regrettably I am restricted to obtain even the smallest amount of crap while living inside the state of Ohio. No crap for me, sadly. I don't have any of feces inside Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I lack the capacity to acquire even a single feces whilst staying within the state of Ohio. No nonsense available in this area, sadly. I am unable to have the tiniest amount of excrement in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I am incapable to acquire even a single crap whilst residing within Ohio. No nonsense in my possession, unfortunately. I am unable to obtain even a trace of dung in the great state of Ohio.

cant have shit in Ohio r