lack the capacity to possess junk inside the state of.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to acquire a single valueless matter during living inside the great state of. No crap to be found here, unfortunately.
Unfortunately, I lack the capacity to obtain a single excrement within Ohio. No waste available in these parts, unfortunately. Unable to obtain junk in the great state of OH.
Alas, I'm missing the ability to acquire any rubbish whilst residing within Ohio. No nonsense to be found in this region, unfortunately. I am missing a single dung within OH.
Sadly, it is beyond my reach to possess even a tiny bit of waste while in the state of Ohio. There is no crap available in this area, regrettably. I am unable to have a single shit inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh dear, regrettably I am restricted to obtain even the smallest amount of garbage whilst residing inside the state of Ohio. No nonsense in my possession, unfortunately. I don't have any of substance inside Ohio.
Oh, what a pity it is that I can't to possess even a single waste while living within the state of Ohio. No junk to be found in Ohio, regrettably. I have no means to have the tiniest amount of excrement within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I am unable to possess the slightest bit of waste while residing in Ohio. No garbage for me, alas. I lack even a trace of excrement inside the great state of Ohio.

Can't Have Shit in Ohio YouTube